What is JOMO?

Workin' the wig in La Jolla, December 19, 2021 - two days before my last chemo sesh

What is JOMO?

WARNING:  This post is not for type A types.

We were sitting around after performing at an art gallery party in La Jolla, and the boyfriend of one of the bellydancers described his girlfriend as "Queen of FOMO".  Someone asked, "what is FOMO?"  He answered "the Fear of Missing Out," implying that his girlfriend is committed to dance gigs because she doesn't want to miss out on any of them.  Then a woman that was sitting with us said she was the Queen of JOMO.  I asked, "what is JOMO?"  And she happily answered "the JOY of Missing Out."  A-ha!!!

This woman, we'll call her Betty, went on to describe JOMO and how marvelous it was that she was able to live this lifestyle.  "I go to one party a year, and this is it.  I wake up every morning and see how the day unfolds..."  Finding out that Betty also lived in La Jolla, I had to ask "what do you do?"  She went on to say she was retired and that there was a time she lived a completely different life.  "I used to get home, have to pack my bags, and be off the next day.  My life was high stress and scheduled."  She said she was once on an Olympic team and that she also worked "high up" in government.  She was amazed that no one ever told her that retirement would be this wonderful.  She thought I was much younger than her, but I probably wasn't.  

"You've earned it!" I told her.  "Yeah, I did."  She said, almost as if she could finally be comfortable admitting that.  I told her that I was a stay-at-home mom, so I am not quite JOMO'd yet.  She went on to advise me to put a little more JOMO in my life.

It's been months since that night, and I still have been contemplating about JOMO.  The Joy of Missing Out.  I think I speak for most anyone who has been diagnosed with something like cancer, you put things in perspective really quick.  Once you go to that first chemo appointment and the nurse asks whether you have an advanced directive filled out, you realize that you are at that point where the hospital needs to know what your preferences are, just in case...you know what I mean.  Like, who should make decisions for you, just in case.  You know what I'm saying?  Just in case...

To me, JOMO is a more than Me Time.  JOMO is the unknown and the unplanned and it takes trust...in God and self.  This has made me ponder my priorities.  I realize that I need to Marie Kondo my life, you know, deep clean.  I need to look at each part of my life that takes up time and space and ask myself, just as Marie Kondo asks of each piece of clothing from an overstuffed closet, "Does this spark JOY?"  I either hang it back up knowing its true value, or toss it on the mountain of sentimental and useless outfits.  

Marie Kondo, throwing stuff out

The idea of JOMO also is a comfort to people like me who have to miss out on things because of how we are feeling.  It helps to find the JOMO, especially after times of un-wellness, discouragement, and self-pity. I can find joy in the things I get to do...rest, take things slow, pray more, write more, appreciate more.  I know how fortunate I am that "just in case" hasn't taken place.  Other than letting my hair grow, my awareness of what true joy is, even if it means "missing out", is also growing with it.   

Viva JOMO!

    

     

  

A year after diagnosis...

 

September 5, 2021 - My chemo port was already installed.

It's been over a year since my diagnosis.  When I was diagnosed with lupus in college, it was devastating.  As the years passed and I remained relatively healthy, I went into a sort of denial that I had it, even though my bloodwork always confirmed that it was there.  It was my "normal".  Friends sometimes were shocked when they would find out that I had it.  I just never thought to burden anyone with that knowledge.  I was handling it and no one could tell.

Finding out that I would be going through chemo and that I would lose my hair made keeping it a secret impossible unless I just stayed at home for several years until my hair grew all the way back.  And growing the beautiful hair I had before chemo took 7 years of tender loving care.  I knew I wasn't going to be a hermit for 7 years, even though the thought of being a hermit now doesn't seem like such a bad idea.

Thomas on shave duty

Recovery from chemo has been a process.  Oncologists have told me that it takes a year to recover and that the recovery would be like a jagged, uphill graph.  I have days that I feel better, and then days that I feel fatigued and nauseated, and then I get better again.  And that's how it has been for the last 8 months.  

I have become a bit reclusive, even on social media.  I post a few positive things I would like to share, otherwise, I do not scroll as much as I used to.  I have been missing a lot of posts and I hope no one takes it personally.  In real life, whenever I know I have an event outside of my home, I save up all my energy for it.  I really want to spend time out with people I love and those I haven't seen in a long time.  When I give it a shot, I have to gauge and plan for my energy level.  I try really hard not to stack too many events in one day.  One event, depending on how strenuous it is, how long the drive is, or how hot the weather might be, has the ability to drain me of energy.  I remember one of my besties who was recovering from cancer, told me that she felt "fragile."  Perhaps it's a natural, self-protective instinct to want to stay home and take it easy.  Or it's the result of the psychological trauma of having cancer and going through treatment.  Whatever it is, the longer I am away from home, the more I feel anxious or tired, or anxious I'm getting tired.  It all gets exhausting.   

The good news is that I finally found a wonderfully active Facebook support group for people with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  I totally forgot that I posted in another one right before I went into chemo.  A few days ago, I finally got a response to it.  When I double-checked the group, my post was the last post in it.  So, I did another search and found a group that had several people posting daily.  It's been so mentally relieving to read others' posts on what they are going through, and finding how much I relate.     

  

Other than that, I have been upping my daily prayer game at home.  I now have a loose schedule (and I mean that I don't give myself a hard time if I miss one) of Catholic prayers I do during the day; Morning Offering, the Angelus (6am, 12pm, 6pm), Liturgy of the Hours (Morning, Evening, Night), and a 54-day rosary novena that started on the Feast of the Assumption (August 15) and ends on the Feast of Our Lady of the Holy Rosary (October 7).  What I love about these composed prayers is that all I need to do is show up and open my heart of intentions throughout the day.  God provides everything else my soul needs through ancient prayers and scripture.   

As for The Long Hair Quest?  It definitely is still ON.  The -do has got a slight wave to it right now, but it looks like the curl is getting weaker as it slowly grows.  I am so happy the top of my head is no longer minty cold.  Everyone says it's growing fast and that the shorter hair looks "badass" or that I can play an "assassin", things I guess wasn't so obvious I could do when I had long hair.  It's been pretty interesting getting to pass through all these hairstyles that I probably would have never chosen for myself otherwise. 

Last but not least, today is my hubby's birthday and words cannot express how grateful I am for him.  I know it's not easy to be the strong one and the caregiver when I am going through it.  He manages to never complain or make me feel like I am a burden.  He's there when I need a shoulder to cry on, when I know and feel it's not rational to cry, I just need to.  And even when I don't believe it myself, he looks at me like I'm beautiful.  He is a healing gift of love for me in every way, the unsung hero in my journey back to health.  And all I can do today is thank God for him and wish him the happiest birthday ever.  Gift ideas, anyone?    

  

The Long Hair Quest just got REAL

 

Mid-August 2021, I was embarking on new journeys left and right; getting in shape, reading all the books I have lined up to read, seriously improving my bass guitar technique, studying French, cleaning out the clutter, to name a few journeys.  And then I found a lump under my arm.  

The picture I sent the doctor.

It was hard to deny.  I remember I was doing push-ups and the lump got in the way.  "This ain't right," I thought.  My husband, Thomas, said I should get it checked and good thing I did.

"Cherry, it's bad.  It's cancer.  You need to come in for more labs and set up an appointment with an oncologist..."  I think my doctor was more emotional than I was, and she was probably wondering if I was registering this.  "I'm out with my son," I said, to let her know why I wasn't reacting.  My son was curious about a clock tower off the freeway, so that day, we decided to check it out together.  Now every time I pass that clock tower, I remember that's where I found out.  

Everything after this point happened pretty fast.  I met with the oncologist, and he informed me that I had non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, a blood cancer.  He told me that I would be getting 6 rounds of a chemotherapy called RCHOP every three weeks.  And then he told me the hardest thing to hear for a long hair enthusiast as myself....I would be losing my hair.  

"Will I be able to dance?  Will I be able to play guitar?"  I asked, thinking of the next couple of things I might not be able to do.  As you can see, I was clueless.  "Oh, yes.  Don't worry.  You are going to be fine," he assured me.  He was very optimistic.  I figured if he wasn't that worried, perhaps I shouldn't be, too.  Perhaps I was over-reacting to losing my hair, though I was thinking that it's something you can't hide.  I also have lupus, but that's not given away just by looking at me.  I don't have to talk about that. I actually have to tell people this is happening to me.      

In this whirlwind of chemo treatments and hair loss, I truly have entered a new world.  First of all, I didn't realize how wonderfully caring and generous my family and friends are.  As soon as I was able to break the news, I have heard from so many people.  Some people made time to visit me, some people gave gifts, some people called, and some people sent me things in the mail.  I get messaged by people checking up on me quite often.  It has been a lesson in kindness and gratitude.  I often think to myself, "I thought I was nice, but my peeps are super nice!"  I didn't realize that I needed to grow my heart just like the Grinch.  

Now that I am bald, I follow a few bald ladies on Instagram who model wigs, most of whom have alopecia,  I have started my own collection of wigs, some long, some short, some brunette, some blonde, mostly wavy or curly.  I actually prefer to just be "au naturale" but it's Fall/Winter here in San Diego.  It's cold, especially in the early morning and evening.  I had no idea how cold it was without hair on top of my head....it's minty cold up there.  So, I wear a variety of knit hats as well.  

I still get shocked when I first look in the mirror.  At first, I used to get what I call "phantom hair" moments, where I would think to myself, "I need to take my hair out of my hair clip.....oh wait, I have no hair."  I became super insecure, because I psychologically depended on my hair to be attractive. That was the part of me that was the most beautiful, I believed.  Now, I have learned that some people like me better bald.  I have been asked to participate in an art project (details to be revealed at a later date, picture above is a clue).  I get compliments on the shape of my head and how they "couldn't pull that look off."   (However, you don't know until you try it!)  And my husband has not wavered one bit on how he looks at me.  That's probably the main reason why I forget sometimes that I am bald.  

As far as chemotherapy, it seems that RCHOP has been a tried and true recipe for at least 20 years, according to my oncologist.  Knowing that I would be sitting in a recliner for 4-5 hours, I used to bring a rolling suitcase filled with books and activities.  For all my treatments thus far, Benadryl is the first ingredient that flows through my veins, and I am out for most of the time I am there.  I don't even bring food anymore, as my sister drives me and we eat before and after.  My oncologist said that the worst days would be a couple of days after, however, I think the prednisone they prescribe for 5 days after treatment has made those days bearable.  It's after the prednisone runs out that I start to worry.  My worst days are 7-10 days after.  I get a little more nauseated and tired.  I never post about those days on social media, probably because I rest a lot during that time.  And math and details?  Please don't ask me to calculate or remember these things accurately.  Chemo brain is real.  I do eat pretty healthy when I have an appetite and take a combination of supplements I believe has helped me get through each treatment.  

People praise me as being strong, beautiful (even though bald), and able to beat this.  The truth is that I hang on to every prayer that everyone is praying for me.  The one thing about non-Hodgkin's lymphoma is the high probability of an end date.  My hopefully last treatment is next Tuesday.  Three weeks after that, with your prayers and God's grace, The Long Hair Quest will be ON again!  🙏🏽❤️

3 Years Later (in a French accent, like in SpongeBob Squarepants, of course)

Yes!  The Long Hair Quest is still ON!  Lots has happened since last I posted, one being that I passed FIFTEH!  50 years old!!!  And several eventful things happened...I married the last love of my life, got back into acting, did some filmmaking, moved into a new city, started playing bass guitar in a church band, started a couple of home-based businesses, all while being a stay-at-home-mom (oh yeah, I stopped working, too) to an energetic, non-stop 'til I drop 8 year-old boy 👦 .  Needless to say, a lesson in time-management should be in order....if only I could fit it in 😂 

Which is why I have been away for 3 years.  Facebook has notified me that people are still liking my The Long Hair Quest page, so I thought to myself, "hey, I'm still in it to win it, let's post!"  Then, I start full on talking to myself:

Me:  What should I post about?

Also Me:  Good question.  How about your hair?

Me:  Oh yeah!  But what?

And that went on for 3 years.  And since then, so much technology has happened.  There are Facebook Live videos, Facebook stories, Instagram posts, and I haven't even gotten into all the graphics, trends, and Tik Tok!  Ohmigosh, Tik Tok. Among all these things, one thing hasn't changed...The Long Hair Quest.  The Quest to grow and keep long hair, through stress, temptations, and split ends survives.  

The plan is to post my current strategies as some have changed, some have stayed the same.  I plan to post videos to break it all down.  And I would like to go Live to talk to you personally about long hair, and it would be great to have special guests, too.  All in all, I would like to do my part in encouraging the Quest for those who would like to join the movement.  So who is still with me?   

 

 

 

   

 

 

Terminal Length

I have never feared terminal length until now.  What is terminal length?  It is the maximum length hair will grow, and then it will either stop growing or shed.  Some people don't seem to have terminal length.  They grow their hair as long as they want want want.

I have always chosen to cut my hair for some reason before my hair ever got super long.  So, now that I am open to growing my hair super long, I think...but I'm trying to deny....that my hair has stopped growing.  I am not complaining too much since my hair is definitely long.  But I want MORE MORE MORE!

I think there are different reasons for terminal length.  My number one reason is breakage.  Since I damaged my short hair by heat styling it, those old ends are now breaking.  But I am hoping the other reason isn't true....because of.....no....let it not be so.......my....age!!!  Waaaah haaaaa haaaaaa!

So, in an effort to deny my age, and against my mom's wishes.  I am coloring my hair.  When I met up with some of my high school friends, one of them, Anita, had a lively red hue to her hair.  I looked at her and said "I wanna have cool colors like that, but my mom won't let me."  And she said "get an oil slick".  And I said "what's that?"  And she said "you got Google, look it up!"  So, I did, and this is what I found.

OOooooh, I get it....like the colors of an oil slick on the asphalt.  I like it!  Since I am older and retired, taking guitar lessons again, and my hair is damaged anyway, let's have some fun!  Just in time for my daughter's college graduation when I'll meet all her friends, some for the first time!

So whether your hair is just past your waistline or down to the floor....you can always do MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE!!!!!

The Temptation

There was a time that I had no problem coloring my hair...especially to match the seasons.  A little lighter for the Summer, a little darker for the Fall.  But leave it to my mom to scare me into not coloring my hair ever again!  Yep, she has a way of saying things and I believe it all....like, my hair will turn more grey if I color it often.  Well, you can do an easy Google search and find oodles of  other people believing this tale (I am avoiding using the term "old wives'") and oodles of hair people saying it's not true....they say that coloring your hair does not lead to more grey hair.

But look at my big sister's hair!

First of all, she is gorgeous!  I love that woman! And secondly, her beautiful, long, jet-black hair right now is untouched by hair color.  So based on the evidence I have provided here, my mom is right!  More hair color means more grey!  Oh, MOM!!!

However, I don't actually hate my grey hair.  I kinda dig it.  It's like natural highlights.  But dude, I watch Ambush Makeover on the 4th hour of the Today Show on Thursdays.  I mean, the right color can take years off someone's look!  So then I start thinking, "maybe I have dull looking hair that needs to be colored?"  But then, I think about the whole growing out stage, and the cycle of coloring that will have to take place over and over again.  Agony, agony, agony!

I also work with a lot of youngens that do fun things with their hair like, pink, red, blue, green and purple!  I was a teenager in the 80's, and if I could have done that, I would have.  Especially the blues and purples....sigh.  It's like mermaid hair!!!  Sooooo tempted....even just a few strands......what am I thinking???  I'm gonna be 50!!!  I can hear my daughter give me the same advice when I asked her about how to do the "whip and nae nae".  "Mom, just don't do it."

So, what do you think about hair color?  And the color rage?  I am "dying" to know....hrrr hrrr hrrr hrrr hrrr (yes, that's my goofy laugh).

Now for your entertainment, check out this vintage video on two-tone color from 1956!!!  (Thank you, Heather!)

American Hair Idol

This was me last year:

That lovely long hair was fake!  Daisy Fuentes' Secret Extensions!  It really was terrific and easy.  My beautiful sister gave it to me since it was the darkest shade they had, but it didn't match her hair color (her hair is naturally jet black).  This extension blended perfectly with my hair color.  It was the bomb diggity.  It stayed on during special events and dance performances, as long as I didn't whip my head around too fast or get into a cat fight.  These Secret Extensions did the trick!

But this is me NOW:

Bam!  That's the real deal Holyfield right there!  Here's another one:

I promise these aren't photoshopped!  That's my real hair!  Besides, if I was going to photoshop, I would have started with that little mom tummy blub.  Hey, it's called bellydancing, not six-pack abs dancing!  

But I still have not met my goal.  When I think of my goal, I think of one gal I know.  Let me tell you a little bit about Tanisha.

When I first met Tanisha at the end of 2010, she was just starting to be a fellow Sohaila Shining Star/bellydance student.

Tanisha before she started dancing.

Tanisha is the second from the left.  Then there is Masami, me, forgot name, Crystal, Karena, and Sohaila.

 Tanisha right before she went on her long hair quest, 2011.  

When Karena and I saw Tanisha for the first time, we were blown away by her talent.  She had shimmies and undulations down and her veil work was beautiful.  This was a student???  I was just starting, but I didn't have that kind of technique!  She had it goin' on!!!  What a great discovery we made (I know it was all Sohaila, but we were there!)

Now, just a few years later, Tanisha is a bona fide pro!

I love it when I'm right ;-)  Not only is Tanisha one of my belly dance idols and dance sisters, she is also my hair idol!  I mean, look at this:

This girl is beautiful, inside and out.  She is so thoughtful, kind, wise, and such a hard worker, too.  It has been so exciting watching her blossom into such a marvelous young woman and a force to be reckoned with on the dance floor!  Sorry guys, she's married, and to a great guy.  Just shows you how smart they both are!!!  We love you, Tanisha!!!